Quick Fix
Bite Sized Dating Advice
Here are some fast thoughts the landscape of love:
You do not have to adhere to the “it takes the exact half-life of the relationship you left to get over it and be ready to move on” rule. You don’t have to be perfectly “healed” to begin something new. You just have to be honest and direct about the areas of your life where you are still a work in progress and commit to working on them.
A friend’s opinion about your relationship should not outweigh your own.
Listen only to people who are in relationships you admire — I hear this advice a lot in the career realm, and I think it holds true for relationships as well. In my opinion this only goes for people you are intrinsically close to — people you know well enough to see what happens behind closed doors and out in the open. Real role models cannot be peripheral acquaintances or strangers or celebrities when it comes to the nuanced and elusive nature of love.
Leave your bubble.
Spend no more than 30 minutes to 1 hour on one dating app of your choice per day. You don’t need to endlessly scroll. No one new is going to crop up the minute you check Hinge for the 5th time during your lunch break. Set aside a small amount of time to swipe and respond to messages on a consistent and manageable basis. Even if you start with 15 minutes and work your way up to 30, you’ll feel more in control of the direction of your dating life if you’re not haphazardly scrolling.
Ditch your drama about double texting. If you want to talk to someone, send them a message. It really doesn’t matter who texted first / last.
If you need a break from dating, no matter the circumstance, take it.
Confirm a time and place the day before or the morning of. Don’t wait for the other person to do it. Don’t assume they will. If you want to be sure you’re meeting up for a date, take the initiative and confirm the plan. If they beat you to it, great — this should not be a marker of whether or not someone is “good enough” for you. Some people are good planners, some are not. It’s really not more complicated than that.
Release the “dating game” mentality. Do whatever you can to remind yourself that having a competitive mindset or sense of inflated self-worth in dating is not going to get you where you want to go. Relationships are about compromise, listening and adapting to circumstances you want to adapt to. If you come in hot with extreme expectations (lavish dinners, gifts and a grabby mindset) as a measure of someone else’s worth to be in your presence, but you struggle to get below the surface level with anyone you meet, you might be better off checking your ego at the door and having a real conversation instead of needing to be pursued with material “things.”
Having a community, hobbies and interests outside of social media are always going to be hotter than admitting you haven’t watched a full movie without your phone in you don’t know how long. Put down the small screens every now and then and do your best to make eye contact with other human beings. Our lives are not meant to be limited to these little blue boxes and our dating experiences don’t have to be either — don’t be afraid to flirt in the grocery store aisle (respectfully).
I’ll be on time with a longer post this Sunday, but for now, if you’ve got thoughts, requests or questions, you can message me below:
xx,
